To spank or not to spank…

Spanking has become a controversial topic for good reason. For those families who utilize spanking, the motive is the same as those who do not utilize spanking…they are hoping to manage their child’s behaviors. But why spank if the motive is the same whether you spank or use another discipline strategy? Here’s what I hear from people who spank:

~I was spanked and I turned out fine

~the Bible says “Spare the rod, spoil the child”

Really, that is it. No one ever says “that’s what research shows is best” or “I have done a lot of research and educated myself and found that spanking is the best way to go” and that is because there is actually no research that shows these to be true statements. So the choice to spank seems to be more about tradition or just doing what they know. Is that how we should make decisions in life?

Consider this. If behavior management is about changing behavior, connecting with your kids, and feeling content after the discipline, is spanking really the best approach? It might change behavior (temporarily) but are you connected in a healthy way when spanking your kids (which is essentially hitting them)? Does your child feel content after a spanking, or more fearful and hurt?

Research shows us that teaching our kids about their big feelings, staying connected (in a healthy way) with our child during their big feelings, and co-regulating with them as needed goes a lot farther then a “quick fix” such as spanking. Of course it is easier and quicker to give your child a quick smack/spank, but taking the time (and energy) to work through the feelings and correct in a connected way will go so much farther in the overall health and well being of your child.

If you are a spanker, I would encourage you to do more research. Take out the tradition and familiarity and look into parenting approaches that are healthy, safe and best fornyou child. Look into strategies that help you raise kids who know that they are seen, heard and valued. For more thoughts, consider going to my Facebook or Instagram and watch the latest video my husband and I did about this very topic. The first step is being open to learning and the fact that you’ve read this entire post tells me that is where you are. Good job!!